It has to admit that I really miss him.

Sometimes really want to send him SMS or email and tell him that I hate him or ask him why he treated me like that.

I intend to cheat myself that there still has a lot of question mark between us? I want to ask him why he told me not to be friends and have no more contact the next day after we talk so closed over the phone. I want to ask him has he ever consider about me, if he has ever want to make me happy, if he ever want to protect me instead of keep leaving me alone. Why I am always the one being dumped? I want to know if he ever seriously consider our relationship????.....so many questions.

Indeed, I am cheating myself. Trying to escape from the reality all these years. The answers are clear. He has a family. We talked so closed that night because he was drunk, when he awoke and back to the reality, he asked me to go and never contact him again. I am the one being dumped because I am the bad woman, the other woman. Yes, he had consider our relationship, and he is very clear that we are impossible, that why he escape. And apparently, I am not the one he is willing to do "anything" for me. To me, I just one of his normal friends, whom occassionaly got intimate relationship. To him, nothing special. He has a wife, but just need a playmate when he feel bored at his life. No big deal.......

There is no question mark between us at all. Everything is clear. What is unclear is only my mind. I'm finding excuse..........

Every time when I want to send him message, I just remind myself not to do so. Never be a other woman, never be a devil to hurt others family. His family picture will then automatically appears in my mind. His wife, his daughter, and their smile. I am nothing but a bad woman.

Its time to control yourself not to dream, not to think too much about the past.

Back to reality, work hard, behave yourself, have better self discipline.

To work and to study.

Stop thinking about him anymore.

We should back to our normal life.

Maybe he got 2 kids already, or got 2 more new girlfriends.

You better back to the reality.

Start prepare for the exams, its coming!

Don't dream anymore.

Its Sunday, woke up at 8:00a.m, thinking about those fellows last night whose lifes are so healthy and positive, I shouldn't sleep anymore, and should do something instead of sleeping.

Again, I like seeing positive people very much!

What about go shopping, then reading at the coffee shop and tea with Ching Ching and Tony?

Tought its leisure, not work nor study. But better than lazy at home, hehee...

Have a nice day, Belle.

Its nice to join the BBQ, with 13 fellows, mostly from the April 05 class (I joined in Oct 05). Nice to meet new friends there. Seems more suitable for me since most are more mature than the exisitng class kids (I dropped 2 semesters). And they are forming the alumini, tonite's activity maybe the first alumini gathering.

What make me happy the most is seeing those smart and serious people who have positive thinking and energetic. It's good to surround with positive thinker rather then those who speak, act and think negatively and emitting negative energy which make you feel exhausted.

Will invite Cherish and Wanyi to join the alumini next time.

Lawton, the fellow from the MBA class invited me to join their BBQ activity tomorrow at the Lavendor Garden.

Still wondering if join tomorrow. First, Lawton is the only person I know from tomorrow's activity. Second, I just knew Lawton last month during the group discussion in the Asia Pacific class. Third, I actually don't know which class / year Lawton and their friends from, since I deferred 2 seminsters. So, is it strange if I join the activity, if all people know each other well, and I am the stranger from their group????

Actually, I called Cherish and Wanyi to see if they like to join, but they rejected. Um, should I join??? But I verbally confirmed with him already?