Here is the things to focus:

1. Keep positive mind / thinking.
2. Keep positive energy.
3. Keep the positive spirit.
4. Keep the momentum.
5. Don'g give up.
6. Be tough.
7. Keep improving yourself everyday.
8. Keep learning new things everyday.
   

Find some course to study for Saturday.

• Finance
• Yoga
• ?????

Keep Up!

"A Year Since Ending"
A very good post by somebody called Loulabelle.

It’s a year tomorrow that I ended my relationship with xxxxxxMM.

A year to the day that after months of umming and ahhing about what we should do, months of getting sad together at the thought of our relationship ending we decided to go our separate ways. A year since he started to think he needed to see if his marriage was what he wanted, to give 100% to it, so he'd know for sure what he wanted (ie he wasn't leaving). A year ago that I worked out he was a gutless wuss, who would have sat on the fence as long as I let him (even after his epiphany of needing to work on his marriage, why oh why did I have to end it ) A year ago that I walked away from the one I loved, so he could make his marriage work. A year since I set us both free to see if we could happy without each other.

Wow. A year since my world fell apart and I got off the rollercoaster of my affair.

So what have I learnt in that year

1. You cannot die from crying, if you could I would be dead

2. You can survive on diet coke, wine and cigarettes for at least 2 weeks.

3. Your hair really only needs washing once a week. It must be shampoo companies that lead us to believe it needs washing every day

4. Your friends don't care that you look like a raccoon/panda, they will still love you even if the only word you can say is brbbbplmn. But seriously the stuff that I found out that helped me through all the crap things that happened after ending

5. That one last phonecall to MM is not necessary, you or him don't say anything different in the 15th last phone call to the first last one.

6. As long as you are honest with him that you do love him, you would have a relationship with him if he wasn’t married, about what circumstances he can contact you (eg own house, wife knows they are separated and divorcing) then you don't need that one last phone call/SMS/email to remind him that he can find you if he's single.

7. If you can get past 3 weeks without contacting him you are well on the road to not contacting him again.

8. A relationship can end with OK feelings for each other, wanting to kill them is optional.

9. Not all MMs are assholes, some are genuinely confused but that doesn’t mean you’ll end up with them.

10. I am strong enough to live without him, I did it before and I am doing it after

11. Time does heal, and not having contact speeds up healing.

12. Life goes on for you too.

13. People that have been there before eg TOWers know what they are talking about even if the truth they speak hurts

14. His W finding out is not a guarantee that she will kick him out, if anything it makes him try harder to work on his marriage. Male ego perhaps

15. If someone is sending you smses anonymously, the best way to make it stop is mention the police

16. When you say NC, stick to it. Dignity rocks

17. I will always love him, but I love me more. His greatest gift was not contacting me when he knew he couldn’t give me what I needed. How can I hate him for giving me what I needed.

18. You can trust again, you will love again, your life is not over.

19. I am the amazing, fabulous person I was before I met him. The only part of me he has is a memory of me. He took nothing from me that I couldn’t get back.

20. Honesty is the best policy, even if it hurts. I will never hold back or settle just to keep the peace.

21. NC is about your healing, not hurting him. it has to be about you.

22. Baby steps are still steps forward.

A year ago, every day seemed like an eternity, but now that it’s been a year, it seems like just yesterday I made the hardest but best decision of my life to date. I feel free, and like myself again.....almost. I can be happy without him, and him without me.

Thank you all for your fantastic words. For the first few months I only read here. Never posted. I was too sad and lost in my own messiness. But by reading here my thoughts became so much clearer and I realised my R with MM was so similair to others, I had always thought it to be special and different to all other affairs.

And now that I feel I am reaching a time where I am I might take a break from TOW, to really move on from my relationship with MM, to put him firmly where he belongs, in my past, and stand on my own two feet without my security that TOW has become, I wonder how I would’ve made it through those first few months without TOW. I wonder if I would've made it.

To you all

[ October 21, 2007, 12:22 PM: Message edited by: Loulabelle ]

I always think that I am an "extra person" in this relationship. I am nothing, my existence mean nothing to him. Or, he (they) will be better without me. That means if I can really disappear will be good for them for sure.

One day, when I disappeared, everyone in this relationship will be better off.

You will be more happy and less trouble because of my existence. Trust me, you will be better.

It seems that the story between us is not new.

Always, I can see the same story happened in the TV.

A girl in love with a man, then discover the man married.

The man trying to keep the 2 relationships, and hiding facts to both women.

In reality, I see a lot of affairs like this.

This afternoon, again see the TV programme saying that the girl involved in relationship with a married man. She innocently believe that the man divorced. Consenquently, the man's wife discovered what had happened, and find the girl, trying to negotiate with her and blame her for destroying her family.

The girl facing a lot of pressure from her family, the man's wife, the neighbours, collegues and herself. Everybody blaming her for doing bad things, destroying others family........

In fact, every man saying same excuse (nonsense) when he like another woman, I learnt it from the TV, from Joseph and Mr. T. No difference at all. What they say is the excuse that they have problems with their wives, they have no feeling at all.........almost same script.

But why they have family problem, and that they can do whatever they like because they have problems with their wives? And that they don't have consider others? The girl and their family.

Is that means that they have troubles with their wives, that they can have right to have both women? Is that make sense?

Luckily, this bad woman is not living in the same place with him, or she will be blamed by his wife or his neighbour.

Anyway, still I believe we are not in that stage, never recognised each other. Plus, I still calling myself "single".

Here is my funny dream last night:

I met him. We went to Macau to see the race of "Formula One. He contest area is surrounded by the beach.

We walked around, and he held my hands. We chatted happily. I told him that I used to go there with a friend (Falling) who approached me before and who intended to held my hand and rejected by me at that time (that's the true what had happened before).

Then the scene changed. We stayed somewhere, maybe a hotel or a house. Then the next morning, I tried to make breakfast for him, I tried to make egg with tomato when he was sleeping. After broken the egg, I wonder if I can make some other food. Then I went out and tried to buy some other ingredient to make a better breadfast for him.

I walked very fast, went to the supermarket and different place, and excited (nervious) about what to cook. And wondering if boiling congee with mushroom or buy some friend noodles so that he could eat instantly after wake up and before the congree cooked......So sweet.......

A very sweet dream to make, and I don't want to be awake, and hope it can keep seeing him in the dream.

Actually, in reality, I always hope I can boil soup for him, so that he can have a better health. Boiling soup, doing massage , or doing something for someone you love is a very sweet things to me....

But it's all dreamthat will never happen.........So stupid.

Exams finally completed. But didn't perform well, particulary Business Economics today. Here are my problem during the exam:

1. Poor Time Allocation - I used 15 minutes to study and select the question. Then the first question consumed 75 minutes, more than an hour.


2. Too nervous - Too panic seeing the questions with calculation, then scare again, can't keep calm, and skip the question when seeing those figures.


3. Wasted 15 minutes on the wrong questions - the calculation of elasticity. Confused in the middle, then cross out the answer and selected the other questions. Wasted time without contribution here.


4. Again too (more) nervous after what had happened in (1) to (3), confused and don't answer well.

End up, I didn't perform well in the exam, may be it's the worst one comparing to marketing and Finance & Accounting.

It's more worry after the exam finished than before........

Can I apply "Bygones are bygones" at this moment?

Depressed after the exam, and the most happiest moment today was receiving his call from Hanoi.

Miss him.

Tomorrow, Int. Business Economics, the last exam finally.

Ganbade! Ganbade! Ganbade! Ganbade! Ganbade!

Study Hard! Don't Give Up!

The same day 5 years ago, we first met in Shanghai. I woke up late, check in to the seminar late without breakfast. Many people in the seminar hall, I was wondering if I should sit at the side column or in the middle. Went to the side column, then middle, and finally the side, since I didn't want to be "too obvious", and just wanted to hide myself, so that I could be more relax.

I selected the seat next to a young man, who seemed "normal" comparing to those typical local mainland Chinese, then my life in these 5 years changed, and I changed, which never expected.

Always wonder if its planned by something i.e God or an accident. Why the story is so strange and that I always feel like being linked with him?

Still, thousands of question mark??????? between us, to him, and the future. One thing that can be assured is I really love him, very much.

God, tell me what should I do? Can you give me a clear answer?

I love you, Tetsuo. So love.....

Why you??? Why me???

Stupid Bel

Get headache since 4 p.m, till now, 5 hours already. Took panadole, antifast an hour ago, still pain.

How can I start the study of F&A tonight?

Tips from Dr. Bill Ryan:

1) Financial Ratio

- Performance

- Liquidity

- Gearing

2) Cash Flow Statement -----> Give Up

3) Investment Apprasial

- PP
- NPV
- ARR???

4) Contribution Analysis

5) ABC

6) Flexible Budget

7) ????

8)????

Tomorrow:

1) Study Gary's Leungs notes - Speed Read

2) Text Book - Ratio, flexible budget, investment apprasial, contribution (if possible)

3) 2006 & 2007 past papers.

Sleep.

Spent whole night studying the past exam papers of Finance and Account, and feel headache. Really wanna die! So many terms, calculation there, and how come all questions are so long, some even 2 pages for a question. After reading the question and selected, sorry, TIMES UP! Plus, all questions are so difficult, so scary. Will die after the exam for sure! Hate Finace and Account, very very much!!! Hate the long questions, so much algebra, and 1 compulsory question for the part of calculation, so much ratio, present value, cash flow statement, WACC, EVA...........etc, all I don't know what you are talking about!!!!

Fail for sure.

Sigh.........so scare, and heat still beating fast.

Going to be crazy!