Just see your family picture again.

That picture, I saw hundreds of times.

You all have a unique smile, and she's sweet.

You may not happy knowing that I see that picture again, but I like seeing that.

To remind myself who I am and who you are, and what I should do.Six years from we first met, the first day we met, its really happy. I never expected meeting someone and talked so happy like that.

Since then, tears and guilty with me.

I deserve for that cause I am bad.

Sayonara, Mr. Ohta.

Wish you have a good family and business.

My task is finished, and I am useless now.

You have a great time with your family, and ever sucess in your business.

Its time for me to go....

Take care and forget about me, I have no more value to you anymore, I just your toy....

Not feeling well since last Friday.

Maybe the air con. was too strong in the conference room during the training by James.

Nose keep running on Friday and Saturday, then cough, and asthma......

These day, keep listening the songs from the "the ultimate sports album" when doing exercise and on transport. Songs from this album give me positive energy. Particularly like the songs "We are champion", "running", "we can't be beaten" "play to win", "the best".......

Yes, I can't be beaten, nomatter what happen, I got to keep the positive energy.

Tomorrow, another good day!

Try the new fancy scarf I bought today, it will make you looks good!!!!

You can't be beaten!

One month after the earthquake in Sichuan, China.

Some people back to normal life, many still living in the camps.

More than 70,000 people die and some can't even found.

Living in a peaceful place, without much natural disaster. Is that means that we are living happier than others?

Paul L. used to told me that the happiness rate of Philippines is the highest in the world. It trust what he said. Latest report shown that Philippines female got highest satisfaction among Asian countries.

Everything depends on our mindset.

Always remind myself that the surrounding environment follow by our mind, not our mind follow the environment. Still, I believe it work.

That's why positive mind is very important and has great impact to our life.

Be positive, be positive, be positive, be positive and still be positive!

I really feel surprised to meet Paul T. in the exhibition.
He told me that he visited the show because of me.......
It made me embarrassed, since others people there.
After he left, Simon S. made joke with me and said that I should melt him.......
And other colleagues kidding that the lighting there was strong, and the face turn red.
I won't feel embarrassed in normal case like this, but a handsome and charming guy like him will make my heart beat faster......

It's really exhaused after the 3 whole days exhibitation.
But it's worth to be there, knowing more about the products, meeting new faces.
Met Irene and Danny L. during the exhibitation.
Both invited me to join their companies.
Haven't see Danny L. for long time, since I left the former companies 7 years ago.
He told me and his business consultant that he really regret to lose me.
And his door is always open for me........
Can't really remember what exactly happen 7 years ago that made me resigned.
Just remember that time, the environment there was so political, the one who trigger me to leave is the bad guy "P.K", whom I believe everybody unlike hime and wonder what's his strenght and real contribution.
Its really a tough environment in T.T, particularly with the asshole Ringe C. & P.K, whom I and many people hate. I never regret and feel proud to left such a political company.

For Assa, I think it can consider only if they can pay what I want.

Good luck for your career.

I get some way to control my feeling.

Before, I would keep the old emails between us.

Since 22 Dec last year when he ask me not to contact him again, and no more friends, I deleted every incoming mail and his phone number.

So that I can stay on that moment he asked me not to contact him. I am forcing myself that nothing happened since then. I am forcing myself to belief that he never send me message, never call me, and keeping in the state that he asked me to go. And I am forcing myself that I see nothing. Once I deleted his message, nothing happened, I see nothing, thus, I won't response to him.

If occassionally I want to contact him, I will read the last email he send to me, the email on 22nd Dec, the day before my birthday, when he ask me not to contact him. Through that, I can control myself, telling myself that I am nothing, and he must be happy with his family.

And I am a redundant.

This is how I live in the last 5 months........

I willl keep living like this.

I hope keep using this method to control my state of mind work...

For you:

Try to treat yourself better.

You will finally understand that honestly can make you more free, less burden, and feel much better.

Try to face yourself.

Try to quit this habit -Don't lie again.

You will find that the world is much better.

In fact, learning respect others, be honest to others and yourself is not that difficult.

And you will be more happy.

You are smart, try it, its easy for you.

If you really care about me, why you :

1. Won't come to see me.


2. Never concern my happiness.


3. I am always the one you scarifice.


4. Have so many excuses that you can't come.


5. Never concern how I feel.


6. Keep telling lies to me.


7. Never call me on Sunday.


8. Told me that we should be no more friends and have no more contacts.


9. Never thought that I need your care too.


10. Never seriously treat this relationship.

The answer is clear - I am not the one you need and care. You never serious to me. Otherwise, you won't treat me like this.

Please no more cheating yourself.

You, God and I know how much you care about me........

Luckily I got allergy and serious cold this morning that no body can still attack a patient who look so sick.

In fact, my sick was due to the mask which made my nose very itchy and sensitive.

Thanks God, anyway.

What will I be tomorrow?

Will I be killed by Simon S?

My gut feeling telling me that he won't let me alive tomorrow.

First, he will challenge me thousands of issues.

Then saying something disguised.

Finally, he will make you wanna die.

God bless me.....

Life is so fragile.

So many people die in the earthquake in Sichuan, China.

More than 30,000 death body found. And stil so many people buried under the brick and can't be found.

Separted from their family. The feeling of seeing / worrying about the parents, kids, and relative die, going to die is never easy.

How will you feel if one day it happen to us, we don't even have a chance to see the one you love, don't know where is he/she, and don't even get a chance to say goodbye to him/her?

We will never know how difficult those victims are.

We are living in a peaceful place.

What we can see is from the news.The real situation is far worse than what we know and expect for sure.

I really wonder how come life can be worse like this, that we may never expected.

I wonder if there became a hell, people there is escaping, crying, worrying, dying, disappointing.....if the hell and our world have merge together? Or if the hell is actually exists in this human world that we never discovered?

It is so upset to see that happen.

If the God really exist, why?

Why to those villagers who life is already poor enough?

Wish you all good luck.

Or it just a nightmare, that the next day, when you wake up, back to normal and nothing happened.

Can it be a dream, a nightmare only?

God, can you delete what had happened last week, and let them back to their normal and simple life?

Please.............

Life never easy to us.

Many people die in the earthquake in china.

I called xiao Ju to see if her family is o.k this evening.

Luckily, they are safe.

No one know if we could still survive tomorrow.

who know.

so please live happily with your family, and live happily.....

they are the one you care, not me - for sure.

I go and you live happily with them, o.k/

take care.

It has to admit that I really miss him.

Sometimes really want to send him SMS or email and tell him that I hate him or ask him why he treated me like that.

I intend to cheat myself that there still has a lot of question mark between us? I want to ask him why he told me not to be friends and have no more contact the next day after we talk so closed over the phone. I want to ask him has he ever consider about me, if he has ever want to make me happy, if he ever want to protect me instead of keep leaving me alone. Why I am always the one being dumped? I want to know if he ever seriously consider our relationship????.....so many questions.

Indeed, I am cheating myself. Trying to escape from the reality all these years. The answers are clear. He has a family. We talked so closed that night because he was drunk, when he awoke and back to the reality, he asked me to go and never contact him again. I am the one being dumped because I am the bad woman, the other woman. Yes, he had consider our relationship, and he is very clear that we are impossible, that why he escape. And apparently, I am not the one he is willing to do "anything" for me. To me, I just one of his normal friends, whom occassionaly got intimate relationship. To him, nothing special. He has a wife, but just need a playmate when he feel bored at his life. No big deal.......

There is no question mark between us at all. Everything is clear. What is unclear is only my mind. I'm finding excuse..........

Every time when I want to send him message, I just remind myself not to do so. Never be a other woman, never be a devil to hurt others family. His family picture will then automatically appears in my mind. His wife, his daughter, and their smile. I am nothing but a bad woman.

Its time to control yourself not to dream, not to think too much about the past.

Back to reality, work hard, behave yourself, have better self discipline.

To work and to study.

Stop thinking about him anymore.

We should back to our normal life.

Maybe he got 2 kids already, or got 2 more new girlfriends.

You better back to the reality.

Start prepare for the exams, its coming!

Don't dream anymore.

Its Sunday, woke up at 8:00a.m, thinking about those fellows last night whose lifes are so healthy and positive, I shouldn't sleep anymore, and should do something instead of sleeping.

Again, I like seeing positive people very much!

What about go shopping, then reading at the coffee shop and tea with Ching Ching and Tony?

Tought its leisure, not work nor study. But better than lazy at home, hehee...

Have a nice day, Belle.

Its nice to join the BBQ, with 13 fellows, mostly from the April 05 class (I joined in Oct 05). Nice to meet new friends there. Seems more suitable for me since most are more mature than the exisitng class kids (I dropped 2 semesters). And they are forming the alumini, tonite's activity maybe the first alumini gathering.

What make me happy the most is seeing those smart and serious people who have positive thinking and energetic. It's good to surround with positive thinker rather then those who speak, act and think negatively and emitting negative energy which make you feel exhausted.

Will invite Cherish and Wanyi to join the alumini next time.

Lawton, the fellow from the MBA class invited me to join their BBQ activity tomorrow at the Lavendor Garden.

Still wondering if join tomorrow. First, Lawton is the only person I know from tomorrow's activity. Second, I just knew Lawton last month during the group discussion in the Asia Pacific class. Third, I actually don't know which class / year Lawton and their friends from, since I deferred 2 seminsters. So, is it strange if I join the activity, if all people know each other well, and I am the stranger from their group????

Actually, I called Cherish and Wanyi to see if they like to join, but they rejected. Um, should I join??? But I verbally confirmed with him already?

Yeah! TMA for Int. HR finallly complete!!!! Just complete!!!

Can release some pressure now!!!

Next Steps for the Asia Pacific Business and HR assignments:

1. Proof Read


2. Formating


3. Add Reference


4. Add Index


5. Scanning


6. Submit

Deadline: Next Monday.

So can attend the master classes this afternoon, tonight and the whole day class tomorrow!

You must be happy now.

No one complaint and mad at you anymore.

No one bringing troubles to you again.

No one bother you and send you mail saying silly things.

You are free.

You don't need to argue with her, no need to spend time to think about excuse / story to tell her.

You don't have to worry that she will rely on you and be your burden.

No need to worry that she is taking advantage of you.

No need to worry that she want to hurt your family.

No need to worry that she will search your privacy, your company and your family.

She won't bother you again.

That's why you told her be no more friends and never have contact again.

Don't worry, she will respect your decision and disappear forever.

You must be very happy now...........

Very busy lately.

Time never enough to complete the piles of work, plus my assignments and master classes. Seems no private time anymore.

Maybe till the middle of May after the exams, I can get the private weekend again!

For work? We will never finish the endless job, unless you get no heart to the work, or wanna quit...

Be calm, peace, and smart!!!

“The main task of management in the modern organization is to manage change.” Using case studies to illustrate your answer show how theories of organizational change can help the modern manager.

TMA for Int. HR, must complete it by 6:00a.m tomorrow morning, even not sleep tonight.

Tomorrow is the last day for this Easter vacation.

Take a break tomorrow for reading some interesting books!

Work hard! Work hard! Work hard!

Be efficient!!!!

Just seeing his family picture in the internet.

I wonder how all these years he can tell so much lies to me.

Maybe he never got problem with she at all, and have a happy family.

Maybe he feels funny to play with a stupid girl like me, that whatever he does, will trust.

The problem is, how come you can be so stupid to trust this man, like an idiot? How come you lost all you mind, that what he said wasn't logic at all?

If he is serious to you, how much time he is willing to spend for you?

Why everytime he called you was in the outside, not indoor, not at home?

Why he can only send you email at the day time?

Why everytime he came here was due to "Business Trip"?

Why he never take a picture with you?

Why he never doing something for you?????

Why you trust him? Why are you so Silly?

Why you switch the responsibilty to others, but not yourself?

Why feel that you are a victim in this relationship?

YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM!!!! YOU DESERVE FOR THAT!!!! BECAUSE YOU ARE SILLY!!!!

HE DON'T LOVE YOU!!!! HE JUST PLAY WITH YOU - IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He called me two times last nigth. As usual, I didn't pick up the phone.

Seems that I know everything and nothing more I want to know and hear.

It will only repeat the fault again.

But a little different this time, I response to him by sending SMS.

Told him that he don't owe me anything. I am very well. Ask him to forget me and enjoy his life.

What else can I say? Nothing more...no more complain, no more argue, no more upset and disappointment.

Someone has to leave in this relationship. Someday, this relationship has to stop.....This is the fact. And obviously, I am the one.

Good luck, enjoy your life.

Couldn't breath last two night. Asthma again.

Yesterday, took sick leave.

This morning, luncheon at Aedas. Didn't feel well befoe leaving the office, even took the medicine, still headache.

Went to the pantry, and took one more "fast Panedol". Felt worse.

In the middle of the seminar when Simon was doing his presentation, the nightmare came.

Almost faint, wanna throw up and couldn't breath.

Couldn't stand, faint, and tried my best to be strong, and control myself not faint during the meeting in front of 20 architects, 3 ladies from BCI, the function organizer, and our other 4 colleagues.

Tried many times to pretend o.k, and stand, but failed. Everytime, I stand, failed, vision turn black, faint - I can't even stand.

Luckily, there was a wall panel partition that I can hide myself, and not creating embrassed environment. I sat. Wilson keep using a booklet and swing and letting some more air to let me breath. Thanks Wilson.

Simon, during his presentation discoved that I am not o.k, and indicated me to go and take a rest. But I couldn't stand and walk, or I would faint and collapse in front of those audience. Really scare I would collapse at that moment.

Luckily, 2 minutes before the end of the seminar, I got some energy, and could stand, and chat with some clients befoe we the seminar finish.

Back to the office, again, feel worse, and finally, I threw up inside my room, even get any energy to rush to the washroom. ....And went home earlier.

My God, feel very bad today.

Tomorrow, 2 meetings - one with Modern, the other - Ka Wah, that can't escape.

Good Luck.

Yeah! Almost finish the TMA for the APB.

Spent the whole weekend on this TMA.

Hope it can pass.

Oustanding:

• Revise intro & content.
• Add index , conclusion and reference.
• Spell Check.

Yeah! But the holiday finish already!

Next weekend, the assignment for Int. HR!!!

Work hard!!!

Work hard, work hard and finish it by tomorrow night - the APB assignment!!!!

Be concentrate, wake up and no more lazy!!!!!

Lazy Belle!!!

On the way back H.K tonight from Shunde, in the ferry. I thought, the problem in this relationship is me. I should responsible for this outcome. Thinking back what happened before sequently, I am too stupid, "too naive" in this relationship. I was wrong to "trust him", its my own fault to trust someone who is not honest to you.

Don't blame anybody, but yourself!

Forget about all unhappiness, tomorrow is another day!

Trip to Shunde to visit the new supplier and inspect their factory this afternoon.

China again......

The company has a lot of problems, but nothing new to me, which I used to face and handle the same problems in somewhere else.

The real challenge to me is "human" side. With very limited resources, and the boss without any experience in this industry. How to help this company without giving pressure, and make your boss losing face of his incapability is a technique.......

Anyway, as I committed myself, try your best....

P.S. Talked with Samuel of Ka Wah this morning. Feel nice, and feeling warming to talk with people you known for long time.

Assignments for the Asia Pacific Business & Int. HR.

Work Hard!!!

Deadline is coming...

Steps:

• Scan, speed read & highlight critical points.
• Draft framwork.
• Well structure.
• Quote relevant cases.

And:

• Be concentrate.
• No more lazy.
• Be well organize.
• Be efficient.
• Good time management.

Another two and a half months that we haven't been contacted, since you told me that we should be no more friends and have no more contacts......

Forgot how many times you asked me to leave in this relationship. What is my value to you? You can dump me anytime you wish, call me back, dump me, call me back, and again dump me.......

Have you ever cherish a girl who used to love you so much, everything consider about you first, who consider your happiness before her? Have you ever care about how she feel all these years?

The fact is she means nothing to you. You like to see her upset, cry, disappointed instead of giving her happiness and protect her. That's not love.......

I never understand what you think. You change your mind so fast. Today, you treat me well and tomorrow you ask me to leave. This is not the first time happened like this. I deserve for that.

All memory back to my mind:

Mid Oct 2002 - Met in Shanghai.

End Oct 2002 - Told me that you have a lot of girlfriends.

Dec 2002 - Sent me letter from Italy, told me that you change career, now live in Rome and have a family.

22 Dec 2002 - Called me, told me that we shouldn't contact each other.

March 2003 - Told me not to call you, send you email again before you leave H.K, and that we are not boyfriend and girlfriend.

August 2003 - Asked me to leave the hotel room, and never contact you again in H.K.

June 2004 - Changed the flight and leave one day before scheduled. Left me in Sapporo by myself and said we should not contact each other again.

June 2005 - Told me that you always have prostitution before, and asked me to leave the hotel room again.

Sept 2005 - Told me not to contact you again, and asked me to take off the necklace you gave.

May 2006 - Admitted that you actually live with your wife over the phone, which you said no before when I asked.

Oct 2006 - Called me and told me that you had divorced.

22 Dec 2007 - Told me that we should be no more friends and have no more contacts again.

There is only one stupid woman like me in this world...........

Thank you so much for what you gave me.