I get some way to control my feeling.

Before, I would keep the old emails between us.

Since 22 Dec last year when he ask me not to contact him again, and no more friends, I deleted every incoming mail and his phone number.

So that I can stay on that moment he asked me not to contact him. I am forcing myself that nothing happened since then. I am forcing myself to belief that he never send me message, never call me, and keeping in the state that he asked me to go. And I am forcing myself that I see nothing. Once I deleted his message, nothing happened, I see nothing, thus, I won't response to him.

If occassionally I want to contact him, I will read the last email he send to me, the email on 22nd Dec, the day before my birthday, when he ask me not to contact him. Through that, I can control myself, telling myself that I am nothing, and he must be happy with his family.

And I am a redundant.

This is how I live in the last 5 months........

I willl keep living like this.

I hope keep using this method to control my state of mind work...

For you:

Try to treat yourself better.

You will finally understand that honestly can make you more free, less burden, and feel much better.

Try to face yourself.

Try to quit this habit -Don't lie again.

You will find that the world is much better.

In fact, learning respect others, be honest to others and yourself is not that difficult.

And you will be more happy.

You are smart, try it, its easy for you.

If you really care about me, why you :

1. Won't come to see me.


2. Never concern my happiness.


3. I am always the one you scarifice.


4. Have so many excuses that you can't come.


5. Never concern how I feel.


6. Keep telling lies to me.


7. Never call me on Sunday.


8. Told me that we should be no more friends and have no more contacts.


9. Never thought that I need your care too.


10. Never seriously treat this relationship.

The answer is clear - I am not the one you need and care. You never serious to me. Otherwise, you won't treat me like this.

Please no more cheating yourself.

You, God and I know how much you care about me........

Luckily I got allergy and serious cold this morning that no body can still attack a patient who look so sick.

In fact, my sick was due to the mask which made my nose very itchy and sensitive.

Thanks God, anyway.

What will I be tomorrow?

Will I be killed by Simon S?

My gut feeling telling me that he won't let me alive tomorrow.

First, he will challenge me thousands of issues.

Then saying something disguised.

Finally, he will make you wanna die.

God bless me.....