I get some way to control my feeling.
Before, I would keep the old emails between us.
Since 22 Dec last year when he ask me not to contact him again, and no more friends, I deleted every incoming mail and his phone number.
So that I can stay on that moment he asked me not to contact him. I am forcing myself that nothing happened since then. I am forcing myself to belief that he never send me message, never call me, and keeping in the state that he asked me to go. And I am forcing myself that I see nothing. Once I deleted his message, nothing happened, I see nothing, thus, I won't response to him.
If occassionally I want to contact him, I will read the last email he send to me, the email on 22nd Dec, the day before my birthday, when he ask me not to contact him. Through that, I can control myself, telling myself that I am nothing, and he must be happy with his family.
And I am a redundant.
This is how I live in the last 5 months........
I willl keep living like this.
I hope keep using this method to control my state of mind work...
