God, at the time of 3:00a.m in the morning, I am doing the download work for the songs of his favourite singers - Jastine Timberlake and Neyo. It totally consumed 5 hours tonight, which I can't study the marketing textbook for the coming exam.
It's so time consuming to download from the web, doing the routine and stupid work, which you don't have to use your mind, but time and energy, which a 12 years old kid can handle it.
The point is I starting thinking that at the time I doing the stupid work for him, he is sleeping and having dream. And his wife sleeping next to him.
God, what am I doing? Why so stupid? Exam is coming, but still scarific the study time, and finding songs for him? Which he never appreciate and understand how much effort had I made for him for all these iPod stuff. And together with those 400 hundred songs earlier.
I am asking myself why in this relationship I am the only to give? Why still involved in this one way relationship? Am I deserved for that? Before, these kind of stupid things supposed is doing by my ex, he never recognised me, have a family, a wife and a kid, why again and again, keep doing things for him?
Actually its not serious issue for finding the songs, that I can't even get emotional like this. But the fact is I am angrying with myself, not him. Why still care about him? The other way round, I am nothing to him, he don't even remember me in the day time and after work with his family.
Yes, I really hate myself for lose all my mind. You deserve for that, no use anymore!
Anyway, good night. Sorry, its not your problem at all, since you never understand how time consuming is (cause you never tried by yourself), its my problem, emotional problem. sorry.
Good night and have a sweet dream, love you.
